Once

I had a man as a friend
once
maybe in a lifetime
it is the quota
the question never arose
you know the one
with the ugly head

we were
a pair
bread and jam
ham and cheese
chicken and chips
teamed

we danced
Ginger and Fred
while the man I would marry

performed for working men
his set piece
youngest brightest
mine manager ever
at the bar
they queued
to take communion
and pay
respect by the glass

we shopped
we bitched
cooked quiche at my house
because
I couldn’t and he could
we stood on the verge
as the sun set
talked
leaned on his car
the only red one in town

one morning
before sunrise
I moved on
with packed bags
I wanted to kiss his lips
but he turned his cheek
stubble grazed my mouth
I remember the sting

He married at fifty
almost a virgin
according to the bride
who wasn’t

I sent him a card
of red roses
best news ever
I wrote

In the church
I cried so much
my mother
smiled through
gritted teeth
Stop!
People will think you are in love with him

Sometimes mothers know everything
Sometimes mothers know nothing